Mangel and Friends
by deuxieme
Summary: A series of completely random and 100%-for-giggles sex fics about beloved characters from your favorite series. ; Rated M for profanity, mature content, the whole enchilada. Enjoy! xD Fanfictions written by me and my friend, but all characters belong to their respective authors.
1. Mangel

'Ello, lovelies. If you've already read this story, then you already know: this is a repost of a series written by me and my friend on a different account. If you're a first-time reader, I should warn you: my friend and I wrote this completely for fun. None of this is at all legit writing, so don't take it seriously. With that said, I hope you... erm... enjoy this... and leave a comment if you found it amusing. Thanks. ;)

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Mangel

Max paused, her tongue pressed halfway between Angel's bellybutton and her large breasts. She took a moment to puzzle over what she was doing.

_Am I really having sex with my - for lack of a better word - little sister?_ she wondered. Her mind felt cloudy, so she ignored her usually-heterosexual and not pedophilic sexual desires and continued to move her mouth towards Angel's chest. She placed her lips over one of Angel's large mounds and began to suck-

"What are you doing, Maxie?" Angel giggled playfully, squirming under the fourteen-year-old's half-naked body.

"Mmmm-nnh," Max replied, her teeth gently tugging at Angel's boobskin.

"Ouch, that hurts!" Angel laughed. Max felt a fire blazing in her... lower area. What was it about this six-year-old that turned her on so fucking much, pun intended? Angel's blonde curls intertwined with Max's straight, yellow strands, and the older girl held up her index and middle fingers.

"Ready for this, hon?" she asked, her voice raspy and seductive.

"For wh-" Angel began, but Max was already positioning her hand.

"HOLY HELL!" Angel shrieked as Max thrust her fingers into her.

Gazzy was reading when he heard it. The anguished cry of his six-year-old sister, and had she said what he thought she'd said?

"Nah," he said to himself. "Angel wouldn't swear."

"Not unless she had a very good reason to," whispered a voice in the back of his mind. Better safe than sorry, he decided, and walked into the bathroom. The sight that greeted him was not pretty. Angel's tear-streaked face gazed up at him, her eyes begging to know why he hadn't come earlier. Max was lying beside her, panting.

"Um," Gazzy said. "Please tell me that this isn't what it looks lik-"

"Your sister," Max breathed. "Is one SEXY BITCH."

Gazzy fainted.


	2. Perco

Perco

Percy peeled off his orange Camp Halfblood shirt, tossing it carelessly onto a bunk covered in sea-colored sheets. He peered at himself in the gold-edged full-length mirror the Aphrodite kids had gotten him for his birthday last year. He winked at himself and smoothed back his hair. God, he was the sexiest thing ever to walk the face of the earth. He had a twelve-pack from all of those monster battles, and his facial features had gotten pretty defined in the years since he'd come to camp. He was raising one sexy eyebrow at himself when there was a loud, sharp knock at the door.

"Come in, Annabeth!" he called. "I'm sexy and ready to go!"

"It's not Annabeth, you motherfucking narcissist," came a deep voice. It sounded like death.

"Oh, well, come in anyway," Percy said, slightly confused. "But I don't have a shirt on."

"Yeah, yeah, whatev-" the voice said. The door opened and Nico di Angelo walked into the Poseidon cabin.

"Nico?" Percy asked, his arm muscles rippling as he turned around.

"Holy motherfucking Satan," Nico whispered, his eyes wandering down Percy's body.

"My abs?" Percy asked, his mouth parting in a blindingly white grin. "I know."

"No," Nico said, looking shocked. "Your dick. It's huge." Percy looked down.

"Damn, I forgot to put my pants on." As Percy pulled on a pair of shorts, Nico retreated.

"So, what is it that you want?" Percy asked.

"I want to talk about our parents," Nico said grimly.

"Is that right?" Percy asked, going to his bed and sitting down. "What about them?"

"Well," Nico began, sitting down next to Percy. "I think their relationship is becoming more than just friendl- stop it!" Nico reached down and slapped Percy's hand off his crotch.

"Whaaaaat?" Percy asked innocently, looking insulted.

"Don't touch my penis!" Nico snapped. He coughed.

"Anyway, I'm afraid our fathers might actually be- stop!"

"Why can't I touch your penis?" Percy exclaimed in anguish. "Can't a guy stroke his friend's cock once in a while without being yelled at?" Nico shook his head, disgusted.

"You know what, I'm going to leave now. I can't- you're a whackjob, just like your dad." Suddenly, the fountain at Percy's bedside gurgled.

"Oh, you made my daddy mad!" Percy said, crossing his arms and pouting. "He's gonna whup ya! Whup! Whup!" Percy emphasized the word "whup" by reaching to his left and slapping Nico's crotch.

"Oh my fucking gods, stop it!" Nico yelled. He backed away and threw Percy's shirt at his face. Percy rose from the bed, looking extremely angry.

"All right, fine!" he hissed. Nico's eyes widened as Percy pulled his shorts off.

"Fine!" Percy repeated, punctuating the word with another slap of Nico's genitals. "Fine, I'll have sex with you!" He pinched one of Nico's nipples. "Just stop insisting!"

"But I-" Nico began, but before he had a chance to finish, he was naked, under Percy's sweaty body, lying flat on Percy's bed.

"The demigod on the bed goes in and out," Percy sang to the tune of "The Wheels on the Bus" under his breath. He shoved his foot into Nico's asshole.

"Fuck!" Nico yelled, clutching his buttocks in agony. Suddenly, there was a blinding flash of light, and the door of the cabin was blown off its hinges. For a moment, Poseidon could only stare. "What the HELL is going on here?" he asked when he was able to speak.

"NICO WANTS ME," Percy declared. "And hey, we're friends, so I couldn't just say no..." A vehement denial of Percy's narcissistic announcement was on the tip of Nico's tongue when he realized that there was truth to his words. The ripple of his muscles, the gleam of his green eyes as they caught the light. "Yes," Nico murmured under his breath, realizing how much he longed for Percy Jackson.

"Say, old Seabrain," Nico said, only vaguely aware of what he was saying. "You're into Hades, right?" Poseidon's eyes widened. "What are you talking ab-"

"We could double date," Nico suggested with a stupid grin on his face.

"Dates are boring," Percy yawned. "I'm in it for the SEX." Suddenly, his gold-edged mirror whizzed past his face. "What the fu-"

"I SHOULD'VE KNOWN!" Annabeth sobbed.

"Oh. Shit. Sweetie, it's not like that with us-" Annabeth stormed out the door, and Percy sprinted after her. Poseidon cast a glance at Nico. "You disturb me," he said, and disappeared from the room. Nico was left alone.

"HEY PERCY!" he shouted. "YOU FORGOT YOUR FOOT. IT'S STILL IN MY BUTT!"


	3. Dracledore

Dracledore

"Draco Malfoy," Professor Dumbledore said sternly, catching up to the blonde boy in the hallway. "Follow me to my office, please."

"P-Professor?" Draco stammered, wondering what bad thing he'd done to deserve a private meeting with the headmaster of Hogwarts.

"Chop chop," Dumbledore said, snapping his fingers. "I don't have all day, you know." Draco began to speedwalk after the professor, whose deep blue robes swept the marble floor. The two of them reached the gold-statue-flanked entrance of Dumbledore's office. The old man stroked his beard and looked at Draco with an indecisive expression on his face.

"S-Sir," Draco said worriedly, wondering if the headmaster had finally gone senile. "You have to say your password to get into your office, r-remember?"

"Hairy penis," Dumbledore whispered his password, embarrassed. Draco choked on his own saliva as the painting swung into the entrance. He followed the professor into his office and up onto the golden staircase. They soon reached the office, where Dumbledore turned to face Draco.

"I understand you've been feeling low lately?" Dumbledore prompted the blond boy, whose eyes widened.

"How did you know?" he asked, sounding scared.

"Your mother told me," Dumbledore sighed, reaching out to stroke Draco's slicked back, silver-blonde hair. "Draco, Draco. When will you ever learn? I care more about you than you might think."

"It's all this stress that's getting to me," Draco mumbled softly, the old man's hand on his head surprisingly comforting. "Just because my father's a Death Eater doesn't mean I want to be one… not to say I _don't_ want to…" He blinked up at Dumbledore, tears making his colorless gray eyes glisten. "You understand, don't you?"

"I understand," Dumbledore nodded solemnly. He pulled Draco closer, so the boy could rest his head on the man's shoulder. "What you need, my boy, is release."

"Release?" Draco asked, his voice muffled against Dumbledore's robes.

"Yes, release. Sexual release, to be more specific." Draco jolted away from the headmaster's touch and stared, open-mouthed.

"S-sexual… did you say _sexual?_" Draco stammered, not sure what to think.

_First "hairy penis," and now sexual release?_ He thought, bewildered. _What kind of man _is_ Albus Dumbledore, really?_

Dumbledore smiled mysteriously and stroked Draco's inner thigh gently. The movement elicited a shiver of desire in the boy, and his resistance faded completely. He groaned softly.

"What was that?" Dumbledore said mischievously. "Moan for me, Draco Malfoy."

Draco obeyed, and Dumbledore's face seemed to soften with want.

"Harder, faster, Harry, oh, faster!" Draco muttered without thinking. Dumbledore's hand began to move faster inside the jeans Draco was wearing under his dark Hogwarts robes.

"Louder, Severus," he panted. "I want to hear you scream my name." Draco forced his eyes open to meet Dumbledore's blue ones. The headmaster gave Draco his signature I'm-your-headmaster-and-I'm-giving-you-a-hand-job-while-thinking-of-your-Potions-professor-this-is-perfectly-normal look. Draco shot him his infamous shut-up-and-keep-stroking-my-cock look back.

Fawkes the phoenix squawked, making Dumbledore jerk his hand backwards in surprise. Draco groaned in pleasure at the sudden movement and released his seed all over the front of the old man's robes.

"Nicely done," Dumbledore commented casually, looking down at the white fluid.

"Thanks," Draco muttered, his body shaking slightly as he floated down from his post-orgasm ecstasy.

"Semen like that goes for 2 Galleons a quart on Knockturn," Dumbledore said, giving Draco a rough estimate. "Some infertile witches go completely desperate to create new little witches and wizards. Such a handsome boy like you, his DNA is valuable stuff."

Not knowing with what exactly to respond to that, Draco blinked, shook off the image of Hermione and Lavender getting into a catfight over a pint of his cum, and thanked Dumbledore for the hand job.

"My pleasure, boy," the headmaster said jovially, bowing his head. Draco rose to leave, and Dumbledore clucked his tongue.

"I'm sorry," the old man said slowly. "I didn't make myself clear the first time. By 'my pleasure,' I meant 'you have to give me a blow job in return.'" Draco gaped at him, but got to his knees when he realized Dumbledore wasn't joking and opened his mouth.

"And that's why they call me Old Cumbledore," the professor said, satisfied, as Draco removed his mouth from the headmaster's lap.


End file.
